The general election result proved that it is right to follow your gut feeling, even if it contradicts expert opinion.

Surprised, shocked, staggered, thunderstruck, dumbfounded…

To describe the mass market reaction to the Tory general election triumph, the SNP landslide, the annihilation of Vince and Balls, Chuka’s record-breaking on-off leadership bid and Sadio Mané’s three-minute hat-trick at the recent Southampton and Aston Villa game, tick any of the above.

If only you’d placed a meaningful accumulator bet you wouldn’t have to worry about opening the shop tomorrow. Or indeed ever again.

It is enough to make Labour’s Eddie Izzard get his knickers in a twist of Gordian proportions (and I’m not talking about Gordian Brown).

“Pollsters show us they are not fit to shine Gypsy Rose Lee’s crystal ball”

Lord Kirkham

Of course, none of these events was truly shocking. That is a word better reserved for the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines flight MH370, the Charlie Hebdo massacre, Germanwings’ suicidal pilot, or the growing list of Isis atrocities.

Shocking on a different level, pollsters show us they are not fit to shine Gypsy Rose Lee’s crystal ball let alone compete with my Auntie Fanny’s tea-leaf reading.

It’s a feat matched only by the Bank of England’s long-running prediction of an uptick in interest rates. They are all in the same ‘too clever by half club’, pretending guesswork is a science.

And this shabby showing is no blip. Those joke pollsters also failed to predict John Major’s victory in 1992, the wide margin of the “no” lead in Scotland and Netanyahu’s landslide in Israel last March.

They should have listened to Mick Jagger or Stuart Rose who called the result spot on. While I have no insight into the mystic powers of rock stars I do have an inkling into our very own retail star Stuart’s secret: it is the successful retailer’s common sense gut feel.

We need to learn to trust what our gut tells us even when it is at odds with what the so-called experts say.

Invest with confidence

My instinct tells me that now Dave is back in Number 10 retailers can invest with confidence in the knowledge that we have a stable and economically competent government rather than a chaotic one that even Edstone Ed’s closest colleagues now admit was standing on a shaky anti-business platform.

Freed from the need to stuff gold under the mattress of our customers, the great British public now have the confidence to funnel more of their money into our ready and waiting tills instead, whether down in the shop or up in the internet cloud.

“I clearly see five years of opportunity for British retailers”

Lord Kirkham

So, trust your gut feel as to what ‘the kings’ will want to eat, wear, ride, drive or put in their homes. If you think it’s too weird – even if surveys contradict – then, like Ed, it probably is.

I’m definitely not consulting any pollster, but I clearly see five years of opportunity for British retailers. Gazing deeper into my crystal ball, I also foresee the next Labour leader owing a lot to that charming Len McCluskey.

Nicola Sturgeon, I forecast, will not be hooking up with David Cameron on Naughtydate.com any time soon and I predict Andy Murray will continue to win tennis matches but remain a reliably miserable git.